I realize this is likely not a popular sentiment, but I feel like I’ve been living in a dystopian nightmare for the last few months. I wake up every morning, walk to the curtains and open Every Single One thinking and hoping and praying and wishing that I’m going to see nothing but white.
And every single day, Every Single Day, I see no such thing.
I worry about this. Constantly. I do try, valiantly, to not worry about it. But more often than not I fall far short of this stated goal.
After the horror of last fall, watching the inexorable march of the Mullen Fire south by southeast, I have little hope for a reprieve this year. Soon I will need to make the requisite pile in the mud room of the items considered nearest and dearest to our collective hearts. The things that we simply could not imagine living without….the “evacuation pile” as it were.
I tell Gracelyn all the time that “everyone has something.” Of course, initially I was referring to the battles that each and every one of us wage. Sometimes those battles are obvious to others, a lot of times they are not. I wanted her to be cognizant of the fact that we may not know what another person is dealing with at any given time.
In a way, “everyone has something” depending on where they live. We don’t have hurricanes here….though, truth be told, this last year has been SO DAMN WINDY that at times it’s felt close to gale force winds. We don’t have tornados…though, truth be told…SO DAMN WINDY and all.
We USUALLY have snow and ice and cold and blizzard like conditions. Usually. But that’s a consequence of being able to live where we live. And we don’t really mind it. We have absolutely perfect winter weather gear. We have two dogs who live for the snow. We’re good.
But we do mind Fire Season. In a humongous, ginormous way do we mind Fire Season. Wildfires are our “something.” Exacerbated by drought and increasing temperatures and THAT DAMN WIND. And there’s not really anything we can do about it. Besides move I guess. But to where exactly? Where doesn’t have extreme weather these days?
I don’t know why this is top of mind tonight. Maybe cause someone told me it snowed in PA this morning as I sat watching the last of the meager amount of white stuff here melt away.
I so very obviously need to reframe the narrative. Instead of cautiously opening each curtain every morning, desperate to see some flakes, perhaps I’ll open them joyously, soaking in the sunshine and blue sky. And the occasional Cassin’s finch or mountain bluebird that drops into view.
I believe our chance at winter has come and gone. It bodes for a scary fire season. I must resign myself to this new normal. And though this is not the way I would have it be, nor how I want it to go…I must accept it as it is and make adjustments.