madranchwife

You couldn’t make this stuff up if you tried.

And I simply have got to stop reading the news bits on my home page every morning, because on those glorious days when I don’t wake up with a headache…it certainly doesn’t take long for one to set in.  Besides, the whole purpose of not having the television hooked up to anything remotely resembling the broadcast world is that we, I, will not be inundated with garbage.   I have a friend who once told me “garbage in, garbage out.”  She was referring to filling your mind with all the junk that is out there, specifically television, and the effect it can have on what comes out of your head, brain, mouth, etc.

Sage advice.

Perhaps I should change the title of this post…

I digress.

On to the latest tidbit that has got me shaking my head, wondering what planet we’re inhabiting these days.

Planet Crazy it seems.

OK, so I’m scanning the home page quickly, as school needs to get started, and I’m nowhere near ready…and my eyes catch this “headline:”

“Cops say couple shot dead over dog feces.”

Really.

As I said, you couldn’t make this stuff up.

My curiousity was piqued.  And to unpique (word??) it, I clicked on the link, mentally telling my subconscious to shush about that whole “garbage in” thingy, knowing full good and well this would qualify as the ultimate garbage.

Yep.  Garbage.

Somewhere in Texas (why is it always Texas????)…a man shot and killed a woman and a man (while a 1 month old infant lay in the house and 3 other children were at school) because he was upset about dog feces being deposited in his backyard and on his doorstep. (I think I have the facts straight…)

The cops have the guy…so maybe the whole story will come out.  As in…why was the dog feces being deposited in front of this guy’s door?  And was it on the doorstep..or on the front lawn?  Was he overly sensitive to the smell of dog excrement?  Had he, ever so sweetly and kindly, repeatedly asked these people to not leave their dog’s steaming pile of fecund fecal material close to where he might set his feet?

Lord love a duck…so many unanswered questions.

And really…why am I taking my precious, precious time to ask them??????????  One might ask.

Ahhh…..yes, you see my dears, I do have a point to this mindless, inane pile of steaming garbage that has now infiltrated my brain.

THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT…when I said that pretty soon it would end up looking just like an old spaghetti western.  Guys walking around with their six-shooters slung low on their hips (bow-legged, remember?), their arms held out to their sides so everyone could see their itchy, twitchy trigger fingers just waiting to show the world how manly they could be.  (Sorry, my feminist side has such issues with guns and their sometimes not-so-obvious substitution for demonstration of masculinity…are you catching what I’m saying without saying it????)

ANYWAY…it starts.

The guy had an itchy, twitchy trigger finger and decided to show the world who was boss.  He swaggered up the stairs and did one of those quick draw things (I don’t know this…I’m using my literary license here)…thinking that he would just show them who was who.  Well, in all honesty, I have no earthly idea what this man was thinking.

But pretty soon, the wacko right is going to start saying that this man had mental health issues and shouldn’t have been allowed to have a gun and YADA, YADA, YADA.

Give me a flippin’ break.  At this rate, we’re ALL going to be labeled with mental health issues.  That’s a bloody excuse.

Oh the headache.

I’m off to make another delectable triple shot 1/2 caffe (noting that it is half regular, half decaf is integral to my integrity) dark chocolate mocha with whip….after which I hope to bring myself back to the surface of this planet, out of orbit which is where I’m at right now.

INCIDENTALLY…one itty, bitty, teeny, weeny, bitsy little question for Mr. Wayne LaPierre of the good ol’ N. R. of A. (and YES, I know that it should be NRA…there’s no “of” there…but I’m writing this damn blog and I’m exercising my literary license once again).

Ah yes, my question:

So, Mr. La Pierre, which one of these characters was the good guy and which one was the bad guy?

Was the bad guy the one dumping the doggie do-do at the door?  And then the good guy was the one who went and blew him (and his wife…leaving 4 children without parents) to kingdom come?  You know, getting rid of the jerk, taking justice into his own hands, exercising his god-given, inalienable right to pack heat and display his manliness by showing the world his super-duper lightning fast trigger finger??????????????

You know…Mr. Wayne La Pierre…I’m writing in reference to your ASININE statement regarding bad guys with guns and good guys with guns.

Cause I’m just getting so confused here as to who exactly are the good guys and who exactly are the bad guys.

And GOD HELP ME if I piss off one of the bad guys with a gun…or one of the good guys with the gun….see, I just don’t know anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this is why I should stick to writing about things like Star Wars and Sound of Music, because then I don’t use SHOUTY CAPITALS and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just trying to make my point.  Those. Give. Me. A. Headache.

AAAGHHHHH…things that make me crazy, insane, wacko, nutso, off my rocker mad.

Now I can’t find the link, so I can’t direct you to where I read this.  I think it was in the comments section of Juanita Jean’s (see blogroll at right).

Whatever.

Sobering statement.

Last week (and this is by no means ALL of the deaths last week due to guns, here in the good ol’ U. S. of A.):

Monday:  older veteran shoots and kills urologist in CA

Tuesday:  older veteran kills bus driver and abducts 5 yr old boy in AL (still ongoing)

Wednesday:  15 year old Honors Student who performed at the inauguration gunned down in Chicago

Friday:  older man shoots man and lawyer in AZ (**Incidentally, mom emailed to tell me the lawyer is someone I went to high school with……………….sobering thought.)

Saturday:  young veteran kills Navy Seal (considered the deadliest sniper in US history) and his neighbor in TX

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON???????????

And on that last shooting, in Texas, of the deadliest sniper in US history.  Happened at a shooting range.  No kidding.  The veteran who died had completed four tours in Iraq.  Knew a thing or two about guns.

Would probably be considered a good guy.

As in Mr. Wayne La Pierre’s (of the infamous N. R. of A.) infamous statement after the Newtown massacre:  “the only thing better than a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”

So…Mr La Pierre…I’m a tad bit confused here.  Which one was the good guy and which one was the bad guy?  Cause according to your logic, the shooting of the hero at the shooting range in TX shouldn’t have happened.

Ooooohhhh…the size of my headache first thing on a Monday morning is NOT a good sign for the day.

Things that make me crazy, insane, wacko, nuts, off my rocker mad.

A bazilion and one things to say.  A bazillion and one things to do yet tonight.  OBVIOUSLY,   that is not even remotely possible, even for a Superwoman like myself.

But a girl can hope, eh?

I just really don’t know where to start.  First let me detail my whereabouts for the last two weeks…..but shush…don’t tell a soul.  This is not something I am proud of, and certainly don’t want it shouted from the mountaintops.  As the insouciant nun-in-training does in those lovely little hills they call the Alps.  Somewhere in Austria…do you think they really filmed there in Austria?  In the Alps?  Wow.  They just don’t make them like they used to, you know?  When movies were movies, tame, sweet, entertaining, NON violent…

But I digress.

Of course.

And yes, we’ve been watching The Sound of Music here at the ranch.  I had to beg, plead, cajole…what have you…the 6 year old diva (she wanted The Princess and the Popstar…I just could NOT watch that one more time…I think 50 is more than enough, don’t you?) into just TRYING mommy’s movie.

And…as I knew would happen…she instantly fell in love.  And hasn’t stopped asking for it since.  Love, love, love that girl.  She marched around the rest of the day telling me her name was Liesl and she was 16 and did NOT need a governess.  And kept asking me to whistle for her as Captain Von Trapp did.

Wow…I am so far off base here.  I haven’t even begun to start addressing the things that have happened in the last two weeks.

Oh yes.  I was going to tell you where I’ve been.  And then implore you not to broadcast it.

Ebay.

Yes.  It’s true.  Ebay.  NOT buying!  (I already did that…that’s now why I have to be on ebay…but that is a looonnnnnggggg story…one I really do not have time for tonight.)  Selling.  Like a madwoman.  Ha ha.  The irony.

I will NOT go into what I’m selling.  Well..maybe.  But not now.  Suffice it to say I made some poor business decisions a couple of years back and the time is right to try to make up for that.  So I have become an ebay junkie.

And it doesn’t feel good, let me tell you.  It is taking over my life.  I want to run screaming for the hills  “aagghhhhhhh.”  Then when I get there I want to throw my arms wide open and spin in a circle and belt out “the hills are alive….with the sound of music.”

See how I did that?  Back to the beginning.  And the beginning is “a very good place to start….doe a deer, a female deer, re, a drop of golden sun…..”

And now you too can have these annoying little earworms dancing around unbidden in the dark recesses of your mind.  🙂

You’re welcome!!

I know.  I must be losing my marbles you’re thinking.

Well, yes, actually I am.  Lots has been happening here…I’ll have to expound on the details in a bit…just not now as I’m falling asleep at the keyboard (who knew that was possible???) so that is a sure sign I should be in a bed instead of sitting on this uncomfortable stool.

But…back to the rain odor.

This evening…around 5 or so…we were outside.  I was cleaning up canine excrement in the newly fashioned “yard” in the back.  Gracelyn was doing who knows what…flinging snow with her snow shovel, making tracks through what’s left of the snow, swinging…you name it.

I thought to myself…”wow, self…it really smells like rain out here.”  Then I thought to myself…”self, that can NOT be a good thing.  Smell again.  Perhaps you’re on the crazy train, or waiting for the clue bus without a ticket, or not playing with a full deck…or, well, self..you get the picture.  Smell again.”

So I smelled again…a deep long inhale through both nostrils…and the aroma was the same. It made me think of rain.  Of springtime…when the ground is thawing and the soil is wet from the ice/snow melt, pine needles and wet leaves that never got raked up…around here, at 9000 feet, the springtime odors are pungent.   And intoxicating.

I looked around.  Sure enough…there was grass everywhere (albeit a dry, brown, not healthy looking spring grass), and wet, dark soil popping up.  The snow was falling, sliding quickly, picking up speed as it caromed off the roof, falling with a large boom and splatter as it hit the ground.  I looked at the sky……the light seemed like the grayish light of a warm, spring, March day…when things are melting and the world is being born again.

And then I said to myself…”Self, this is definitely not good.  Definitely.  Definitely.  This is January 24.  At 9000 feet.  We should have 3 or 4 feet of snow on the ground.  It should be 10 degrees.  There should be no springtime odors permeating the air.  There should NOT be any grass showing.  There should be NO signs of soil…only ice and snow as far as the eye can see.”

Then I came back inside and checked the calendar…just in case I had somehow misplaced  three or four months.  But no, the calendar read January 24.  I checked the phone…it read the same thing…January 24.

This is bad folks.  Very, very bad.  We had about 14 inches of snow….about 6 weeks ago.  !!!!!  And nothing to speak of since.  I am smelling springtime in January.  The snow is melting, dripping off the roof…in January.

This portends a scary time for all this summer.  We needed a HUGE winter snowfall to make up for the lack last year…of snow and rain.  I am afraid winter is over.  The ground is still frozen, so all the melt is simply running away…not refilling the well, that ran almost dry last summer, not being stored in the pond…just disappearing.  Scary scary times.

And no snow in the forecast.  Actually…there was a 30% chance today…the best in two weeks.  Not a single snowflake fell.  At least not here.

With that, I bid you adieu.  I’m off to dreamland…where I’ll be imagining mountains and mountains of the white fluffy stuff.

Hot off the wire:
http://americablog.com/2013/01/whole-foods-obamacare-is-fascism.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+Americablog+%28AMERICAblog+News%29

Yes, that’s a long link. But it’s easier to do that, then try to explain how to get there.
Anyway…MAJOR dilemma in my head right now.

The CEO of Whole Foods just came out with a WACKY, wacky, ignorant remark about the Affordable Care Act and…take a deep breath…”fascism.”

Lord love a duck.

Now what the hell am I going to do?

Whole Foods is my nirvana.
My candy store.
My salvation.

It ranks up there with the ultimate Starbucks. A Starbucks with a perfect barista, a perfect drink, a perfect atmosphere…heaven on earth. (Yes, I’ve found such a place…doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it takes a lot to drag me outta there…like a whole herd of wild horses stampeding up behind me…or something like that. Trying to be all ranch-y this morning.)

Anyway…what’s a girl like me to do with a comment like this????????????????

Oy vey.

Will have to cogitate a bit on my options. I’ll get back to you.

Just want to add a quick link to an article by M. Tomasky at the Daily Beast.

GREAT read on the Republican reactions to President Obama’s press conference today in which he put forth the 23 executive actions he plans to take.

NONE of which, mind you, said anything remotely close to “I’m comin’ fer yer guns.”  NONE of them.  Nada, zip, zilch, zero.  None.

So…all you paranoid folk who’ve been saying for the last, what…4 years???…that President Obama is going to take away all your guns…NOT going to happen.  NOT what he said.  NOT even remotely close.  Get over yourself.  GET A FLIPPIN’ GRIP (and NOT on your six-shooter) and deal with life in a mature fashion.

As I tell my 6 year old…open your ears, eyes on me…NOW LISTEN TO WHAT I’M SAYING!

And…just like the 6 year old..these idjits refuse to pay attention.

Oh yes…the link.

See…I started to get all torqued up again just thinking about what I’ve heard today and I forgot I was only going to add the link to the page.

For pete’s sake.

Here it is.  A good read.  In my humble opinion.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/01/16/the-gop-will-lose-on-guns.html

Vaya con dios.

And God help this country…I am thinking we are seriously going to need some Divine Intervention to make it out of this mess.

Luckily I do not have a television in the house.  (Well, technically we have a television, it’s just not hooked up to the satellite.  I know, I know…poor husband.  How DOES he manage?    Well, himself just bundles up and trudges to the garage, uphill, 100 yards, through snowdrifts and below freezing weather…oh the unfairness of it all.)

And, yet once again, I digress.

Back to being grateful there is not television on this morning.  I get my news from the internet…both news sites (though NOT Faux News I must add)–as neutral as I can find…and other places around the net.

Yes, I frequent liberally slanted, left-leaning blogs.  I admit it up front.  However, in order to get a balanced, well-rounded opinion (so that I don’t go off half-cocked and sounding like a nut-job who thinks the entire world should think just one way)…I often visit those sites that have, well, a little bit of a right lean.  Hah!  “Little” right lean is a serious misrepresentation.  These guys are freakin’ nuts.  There, I’ve said it.  So much for love and tolerance and sweetness and light.

But…really.

Know what the N. R. of A. has done now???????????

Now they’ve got an ad running castigating the President for having security personnel for his daughters…and denying armed security guards (???) at every school in the nation.  Sort of to the tune of “well, my daughters deserve it…you’re kids don’t.”

Never mind the tiny, itsy, bitsy, little, teeny, weeny detail that this man is the President of the good ol’ U. S. of A.  Never mind the fact that the assassination threats against this president have increased like 400 times over those of any other president in history.  (Don’t quote me on that number…need to go confirm it.  I’ll let you know.)

Never mind the fact that the entire family has security detail everywhere they go.

All this does is start to solidify in people’s minds that the good ol’ N. R. of A. is slowly losing their collective one.  Mind that is.

I can guaran-damn-tee it that silly people like me who think there should be a modicum of sense regarding guns in this country are beginning to get slightly irritated at the antics of the schoolyard bully known as the N. R. of A.

I’m going to try to link to two sites with interesting takes on these topics this morning.  They have done their research (that whole blogger thing of data, facts and whatnot) and I simply don’t have the time right now to be original.

So…if you are so inclined…I suggest you visit these links.

http://prospect.org/article/nra-opens-fire

http://juanitajean.com/2013/01/16/okay-this-has-to-be-rock-bottom-it-just-has-to-be/

Hopefully those will work.

If not, click on the links on my blogroll for http://www.juanitajean.com and http://www.prospect.org.  They should have the current articles up.

Hasta la vista baby. (ha ha…get it?  Isn’t that what the Terminator says before he blows someone away???  Sick humor.)

No…not as in “on the scale.”  Lord love a duck.  There are certain things women should just not do after the age of 40…and standing on a scale is one of them.

But I digress.

I’ve had enough.  I’m finally going to wade into the choppy seas of a rather, disgustingly bitter issue.  Only because it’s gotten way past loony and into the downright freakish.  And I simply cannot take it anymore.

Now…I’ve been doing a lot of reading.  And the good bloggers are always prepared with lots of facts and data and statistics so that the barrage of nasty comments they get back can be rebutted with some sanity.  So…I’m doing my share of preparing for the backlash.  (Not that any of the few that chance upon these pages and thus my ramblings have ever so much as uttered one word about my ravings…but…you never know.  Someone did slap a bright orange “Defend Freedom, Defeat Obama” bumper sticker on my car.  Oh yeah…how’s that workin’ out for ya now, you DINGBAT!!!)  But again, I digress.

So…in the interest of time, and as I have a bazillion things to do right now, and the whipped cream is in short supply, meaning I’ll have to ration the triple shot 1/2 caffe dark chocolate mochas with whip, so that I won’t be able to stay up til the wee hours of the morning…I will make this short and sweet.

WHAT IN ALL THE NAME THAT IS HOLY IS UP WITH THE IDIOTS AT THE NRA??????????????

Posting an ad for a video game app that is labeled appropriate for children age 4 and up?????????????  And has them shooting at targets that are in the shape of coffins?????

HAVE THEY LOST ALL SHREDS OF DIGNITY????????????

And how, just how, does this have one bloomin’, blasted thing to do with the 2nd Amendment?????????????????

Ouch.  Now I have a headache from all the capital letters.  And the blood pressure is rising just a tad bit.

And I have OH SO MUCH MORE TO SAY on this issue.  Believe you me.

But I need to get started on that list of a bazillion things…so I’ll call it quits for now.  Just really wanted to let you know where I stand on the issue.

Of guns that is.

You see, listening to ol’ Wayne LaPierre (have no earthly idea if I spelled that correctly or not) of the N-R of A…one would think that they (being the idjits coming up with their statements and ideas) would like to take us back to the time of yesteryear.  (Reference that incredibly crass, ASININE, idiotic, STUPID statement by LaPierre that went something like this “the only thing better than a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”  Yeah Mr. LaPierre, you tell ’em.)

You know that time…when raw-boned, lanky cowboy types roamed the streets with their six-shooters strapped low on their thighs (don’t forget how bow-legged they were…helps with the image), and their arms held out so that one could see their very itchy, twitchy trigger fingers just waiting for someone to look at them cross-eyed so they could prove their manhood by how fast they yanked out that pistol and gunned the offender down.  Usually in the dirt streets (we’d need dirt cause of all the horses tied up outside the saloons and such…cleaning up their poop is much easier when it can just get mushed in with the dust). (We’d need those horses so those lanky, cowboy types could get that bow-legged swagger just right.) And you know, just to go along with the times, women would need to be hanging out at the saloons catering to all these goofballs, wearing things slit down to there and up to here and so on and so forth.

Yup…that about sums up the Republican Party, now doesn’t it?  Wanting to “take our country back” and “don’t take away our guns” and “reproductive rights ma’am????  are you out of your blasted mind?”   See how I tied all that into this one little paragraph?  Jiminy christmas…sometimes I amaze even myself.

I better stop now, cause I’m sure I’ve offended some.

But…you can be sure, I’m not done with this topic.  I’m just getting warmed up.  Promise.

So, letting the dog out this morning, I remarked to myself (yes…I talk to myself…out loud too…)…”wow, it’s a lot warmer today than it was yesterday.”

Thinking we’d moved into a heat wave (as images of Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby crooning “we’re having a heat wave….a tropical heat wave” wound their way through my foggy coffee-less brain), I slowly made my way to the thermometer in the window.  Not having any caffeine flowing through my veins yet it took me a short while to focus in.

A balmy 5 degrees below 0!  Definitely “havin’ a heat wave….tropical heat wave.”

Right, well, the oddity here is that -5 degrees F felt warm to me.  Something wrong with this picture.  Though it does make me feel good about my temperature sensing abilities…as yesterday morning, letting the dog out, the little red line on the thermometer seemed stuck at 20 below.  As in -20 degrees F.

So, see…we’re making progress!!

Gracelyn’s favorite states are Hawaii and Florida and she’s convinced we need to pick one to move to!

I’m beginning to think she might have something there.

I stumbled across this tonight and just had to share it.

It’s totally legit and is the absolute coolest thing I’ve read today (well, apart from that bit about President O’s splendiferous job approval rating!!).

I tried to make it so you could click on the link, but for some reason it’s not working (yes, I know…operator error…I am technologically challenged to say the least).  So if you are good at copying/pasting, then please, please, please go take a look.  I promise you will not be disappointed!!  UPDATE:  Well, what do you know?  Not so technologically idiotic am I.  It worked!!  Now just click on the blue letters below!   (The Force must be strong in this one after all.)

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/response/isnt-petition-response-youre-looking

In fact, I am just waiting until I can get Gracelyn to start watching Star Wars with me.  Greg won’t sit through them anymore (something or other about me saying all the lines..????…what’s up with that???).  And Sundance isn’t here anymore…she loved to watch television with me and Star Wars was one of her favorites.  Seriously.  I think R2D2 and C3PO were her favorites just cause of the fun noises.  So I’m waiting til I think the munchikin won’t be bothered by the big, scary-sounding, fashion -challenged dude in black.  Any day now.  Any day.

Anyway, go check out the link.  It’s priceless!!

And…may the Force be with you!