One year ago today

One year ago today, about 11:45 a.m. to be exact, Max went missing.  Not a day has gone by since that he has not been thought of.  He is in our Prayer Journal every night, asking that the Universe, the Great Mystery, the Great Spirit, Allah, God, whomever is in charge, watch over him, wherever he may be, and keep him warm and safe and yes, happy.

We miss him.  We miss his mischievousness, his wiggly little bum, his rambunctious ways.  Buck misses his playmate.  He’s not been the same since he showed up here alone that morning, one year ago today. Gracelyn doesn’t understand why life should be so unfair–that a little girl’s puppy did not come home, one year ago today.

I try to explain to her that life is not fair.  It was never meant to be fair.  Bad things happen.  They just do.  And sometimes they happen just once or twice in your life.  Sometimes they happen a lot of times in your life.  Some people have many, many, many bad things to deal with.  Others don’t.  But one of the worst things we can do is look at others and think that they are so much ‘luckier’ than us.  This sounds so trite, but we all have something to bear.  We all carry a burden.  Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes it’s buried under layers.  I think we are all just doing the best we can with what we’ve been given.

Our family was given the pain and anguish of a little, loved puppy not coming home.  Our family was given the sorrow and grief of not knowing what has become of our little buddy Max.  Maximus.  It is our grief.  It is our pain.  It is not for others to judge, just as it is not for us to judge how others deal with loss in their lives.

I tell her, as we lay in bed saying our prayers for the night, that sometimes there are simply no answers as to why.  We will most likely never know what transpired on the morning of Tuesday, November 27th 2013, one year ago today.  And that has to be OK.  We don’t have to like it.  I tell her that I don’t like it any more than she does.  But, I tell her, we must accept it.  We must accept the reality of life.  We don’t have to like it, but we absolutely, without a doubt, must accept it.  Or we will be stuck forever in a whirlpool of sadness, grief, anger and hate.  We will simply swirl around and around in a sea of badness, never appreciating what is unfolding in front of us.  She gets this.

She gets this.  And she’s six.  Almost seven.  But she gets this.  It is humbling to watch her take in the words, turn them over and over in her precious little brain and then give them back to me in her interpretation of what I’ve tried to impart to her.  She gets it.

And for that, I will be eternally grateful.  We are blessed, this little family of mine.  Not because our beloved Maximus didn’t come home, one year ago today.  But because from that sorrow we are learning to accept life on life’s terms.  And that, my friends, is truly one of life’s greatest lessons.

Blessings to you, on this day.  And, if you would be so kind, take a moment to send a prayer to the Universe for our Max.

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About madranchwife

Mother, Mad Ranchwife(as in--at times-- crazy, nutso, loco, off-my-rocker insane), Veterinarian, Physical Therapist, "Liberal, pinko, gay-loving, Subaru-driving Socialist" (as I've been called), proud to be a totally tree-huggin', climate change believin', granola girl environmentalist, ObamaGirl, Pro-Choice (don't even get me started here...), and in my younger days a feminist vegetarian as a result of time spent at CU Boulder (this lasted approximately 14 months, until all the Jimmy Buffett I was listening to caused me to crave a cheeseburger). Now I just get pleasure out of swimming against the stream and ruffling a few feathers here in the wild west state of Wyoming!
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One Response to One year ago today

  1. Tony Seahorn says:

    Wishing Max a good life, wherever he is…peace be with you.

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