Troubling.

Things that have me troubled.

(If you say that word enough times–troubled, troubling, trouble–it begins to sound very, very odd.   Try it.  I dare you.)

The reasons I’m sitting at my computer this morning and it’s wayyyyyyy before dawn.  Many minutes before I should be awake.  I should be off in dreamland, snuggled under the down comforter on our super-comfy bed with my super-comfy pillow and the super-snuggly Springer Spaniel nestled near my feet.  Who, incidentally, begins to be slightly annoying in the middle of the night when he won’t budge a centimeter from his staked out position, causing me to have my legs tucked into a most unnatural position.  But, then he snuggles up to me and tries to lick my hand and get all close and warm and fuzzy like.  And I cave, and don’t banish him to the cold, hard ground.  Where, incidentally, he could find one of many comfy dog beds to annoy.

But I digress.  Yes, I could be there.  But I’m not.  Instead I’ve already walked the rooms of this house, making sure the rest of the inhabitants are sleeping soundly, nestled in their beds, with visions of dragons and unicorns and fairyland and football and cutting hay and springtime dancing in their heads.  Ah, to sleep the sleep of the untroubled.

Though I don’t think my dear husband could be said to be untroubled.  He’s probably just too tired and his brain has the ability to put the brakes on and get some much needed sleep.

Why am I troubled you ask?

The list is long I say, the list is long.

And I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just begin by throwing them out there willy-nilly and letting them fall where they may.

There is no snow, none to speak of.  We have about 8 inches left on the ground in some places, none in others.  It looks like late March here now.  Feels like it too.  Warm (in the high 30’s and 40’s, maybe almost 50 on Saturday) temperatures are wreaking havoc with our sparse, nonexistent winter.  We haven’t sledded in weeks, months.  We haven’t gone snowshoeing or cross country skiing.  I’m having a difficult time getting excited about going downhill skiing.  (Which is troubling as I purchased the passes and we NEED to use them.)

No snow is troubling in that no snow now means no water later means extremely high fire danger in just a few short months.  And that is stressful.  No backyard campfires for roasting hotdogs and marshmallows (our staples last summer).  That’s a bummer.  Serious worry about hay crop yield.  Bags packed by the door with the evacuation list, ready to go at a moment’s notice.  This has me troubled.

The vitriolic, hysterical backlash against the “anti-vaxxers.”  I’m not even sure I can write about this right now.  I have so much inside regarding this issue.  Part of me is afraid to even print where I stand on this, for fear of the response.  Part of me feels I need to add my bit, to make a stand, to give my side of the story.  But I can’t.  Not yet.  Suffice it to say, I’m troubled.  Troubled by the mass hysteria sweeping this nation regarding, truly, when you sit back and look at the numbers, a small number of cases of a disease that has a low mortality rate.

I’m troubled by the “sky is falling” mentality that I hear reflected by some, well, truly, on the Right.  I suppose that has faded a bit, now that the State of the Union address has started to fade, and everyone had their say after it.   I think, in general, we’re doing ok.  We’re trucking along as we should be.  I’m paying just under $2 a gallon for gasoline.  The unemployment rate is hanging at a low spot.  Wages could be better, yes.  But all in all, I think things are doing well in the American economy arena.

I’m troubled by Alabama officials making a big deal about “having” to perform same-sex marriages.  Give me a break.  No, give me a flipping break.  Gay marriage is here.  Gay people are here for that matter.  Get over it.  Leave them alone.  Let them live their own lives with the same dignity, respect, love and commitment that should be afforded to each and every person on this planet.

I’m troubled by the headline I just read, very early this morning, about three people shot dead in North Carolina, presumably because they were Muslim.  That’s a serious GIVE ME A BREAK.  Get over it America.   Islam is a worldwide religion.  Just like Judaism, Christianity, Hinduism, etc, etc, etc.  Killing someone because they are of a certain race or practice a certain religion is vile.  Ignorance to the nth degree.

Kayla Mueller.  Good people dying because they felt a call to help.

Brittney Maynard.  Good people dying because of a quirk of fate.  Cancer.  And then the unbelievable courage to let the world into her private suffering and her conviction to a cause that needs to be illuminated.

Big business……….big Pharma (sorry sis),  big agriculture (sorry husband and father-in-law), etc, etc, etc.  Dictating to all of us little people how we should eat, what we should ingest, what we should shoot ourselves up with.  I’m sorry.  I have a brain.  I have a medical degree (two actually).  I think I know a thing or two about nutrition and immunology and medicine and the way of things.  I’ve got this.  Thank you very much.

It’s time for some java.  I just heard a mousetrap violently snap shut.  The husband is stirring.  Time to spend a few minutes contemplating all of the things I have to be grateful for, the blessings in my life.

My healthy little family.   My brilliant daughter who was entrusted to my care, to love and protect and nurture to the best of my ability.  The adorable, loving Springer Spaniel Angus, named after the Irish god of love Aengus.  Our senior, loyal, Energizer-bunny chocolate Labrador Buck.  He is a force of nature himself and I am constantly amazed at his will to keep on going.  The roof over our heads.  My beautiful little home.  The mouse that inhabited my daughter’s room for the last several nights…………god rest his soul as he is now in mouse heaven.  The ability to do umpteen loads of laundry as I now have to wash each and every article of clothing in my daughter’s dresser as said mouse traversed each and every drawer before I could corner him in the closet, under the shoe rack.  Cute little bastard, but pain in the ass nonetheless.  Thank the goddess I have a dependable  washing machine, right?

And finally, I am grateful for the beauty around me, even though it looks like the end of March and we didn’t have winter really.  (I’m working really hard on this gratitude and am trying even harder to not be resentful at Boston for getting yet another 20 inches of snow.)

Blessings be.

About madranchwife

Mother, Mad Ranchwife(as in--at times-- crazy, nutso, loco, off-my-rocker insane), Veterinarian, Physical Therapist, "Liberal, pinko, gay-loving, Subaru-driving Socialist" (as I've been called), proud to be a totally tree-huggin', climate change believin', granola girl environmentalist, ObamaGirl, Pro-Choice (don't even get me started here...), and in my younger days a feminist vegetarian as a result of time spent at CU Boulder (this lasted approximately 14 months, until all the Jimmy Buffett I was listening to caused me to crave a cheeseburger). Now I just get pleasure out of swimming against the stream and ruffling a few feathers here in the wild west state of Wyoming!
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One Response to Troubling.

  1. barbara coyle says:

    oh my, a lot to read this morning…and …I happen to be home to read it! Not much to comment except that hopefully after writing about it all, you can get a bit of relief from it all. Talking about issues or in this case, writing about issues is ‘sometimes’ a way of letting go of some of it ….

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