madranchwife

It snowed.  Thank the Goddess.

I know, right?  It’s the flipping Rocky Mountains, the western United States, February, winter.  And an anomaly happened on Sunday and Monday.  Snow.  Albeit not much, but snow.

So I’m not complaining.  Not really anyway.  Not too much.  Well, ok, just a little bit.  In total we got about two or three inches.  And Boston gets what?  Seven feet in the last three weeks????

Alright.  I’m done pitching my fit.  I’ll take the two inches and be happy, marginally.  And it’s cold too, so that means the two inches should stay around a mite bit.  Though to be perfectly honest, I’m not holding my breath as I am fairly certain it’s supposed to get back up to melting weather in a couple of days.

That’s the news from the front.

Blessings be.

Monday: 

~didn’t snow; daughter comes running out of bedroom yelling “mommmmmmm!!  There’s a mouse in my t-shirt drawer!”  I know, right?

(By the time all was said and done, the little bastard had traversed EVERY drawer in her ten-drawer dresser, run through her bedroom and holed up in the Barbie jeep in the bowels of her closet.  After much drama and brou-ha-ha the little s**t was happily ensconced in two dog towels and stuffed, nicely, into the mop bucket at which time he was transported to the front yard where he promptly ran underneath the porch.  Really.  Under the damn porch.  As he scurried away, limping on a bum right hind leg mind you–remember this for later–I ever so sweetly told him that he better not show his little mug inside my house again.)

And it’s only Monday.  Morning no less.  Before I’d even been able to finish the first cup of coffee.  Needless to say, this set the tone for the week.

Later in the day, the dear husband returned home from work.  Not questioning the stack of ten empty dresser drawers in the hallway, nor the PILES of clothes in the laundry room, he went blithely about his business.  Until I pointed out the dressers in the hallway and the overflowing laundry room at which point he, ever so sweetly mind you, asked what was going on.  I launched into the blow-by-blow description of the morning’s events, culminating with the humane release of the little bastard back to the wild.  When the dear husband asked where I’d liberated the rodent, I realized I might have made an unforced error.  Unforced mind you as I was still in pajamas, with slippers on, without finishing my first cup of coffee.  Nothing was right in my world mind you.  I, ever so sweetly, replied that he may have, just might have, possibly, probably run under the front porch.  I got the look.  You know the one.  The one that’s between an eye roll (which he knows he should NEVER do in front of me) and an incredulous eyebrow raise.  Meaning, in plain King’s English, “WHAT IN THE SAM HELL WERE YOU THINKING??????”

Then I mentioned the bum right leg.  And the dear husband got sort of quiet.  And said, “oh.”  More silence.  I said, “yes??”  He said, “well.”  I said, “yes??”  He sort of cleared his throat, and looked as contrite as my dear husband is capable of looking, and said, “well, I actually caught a mouse in the laundry room last night that was caught by his leg.”  I just looked at him, endearingly, questioningly.  And he continued, again, sort of contritely, “I let him go out in the back yard.”   “Ahhh,” I said.  And then I continued, “what leg was he caught by?”  My husband, pardon me, my “dear” husband: “well, it was his right hind.”  “Oh,” I said.  “Hmmm.”  Then I decided to be nice and not give him back the look that meant, in plain ol’ King’s English, “WHAT IN THE SAM HELL WERE YOU THINKING?”  All I said, ever so sweetly, was “hmmm, that mouse sure didn’t learn his lesson.”

And that was just Monday.

Tuesday:

Still didn’t snow.  Did LOTS more laundry (not done yet).

Found mouse poop (LOTS) in the drawer underneath the stove.  On my baking pans.  Really.

I was NOT happy.  To say the least.  The dear husband washed the pots and pans and baking sheets while I scrubbed out the drawer and underneath the stove.  That was gross.  And I pride myself on a clean house.  It was humbling.

Wednesday:

Still didn’t snow.

Still doing LOTS of laundry.  Where did she get all of these clothes??????

Dear husband announced, albeit quietly because dear daughter thought the cute little mouse in her tshirt drawer with the bum leg was oh so cute, he’d caught a mouse with a bum leg in a trap in the laundry room.  “Right hind?” I asked.  “Yup,” he said.

Case of The Mouse with the Bum Right Hind Leg closed.  May the little bastard rest in peace.

Thursday:

Still didn’t snow.

Finally done with dear daughter’s laundry.  Only to begin on husband’s, albeit without mouse tracks.

SKI DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Good snow.  Sunshine.  Not too cold.  But mountain overrun with what seem to be aliens from another planet.  (Please forgive me any native Nebraskans, I do not mean to offend.)  In reality, they were simply people from another state.  Nebraska to be specific.  And it’s just a mite bit scary, well, downright terrifying truth be told, to share the slopes with the divebombers from out east.  Enough said.  We didn’t stay long.

Friday:

Still no snow.  Just a lot of sun.

Dear husband called from doctor’s office with the lovely news that the latest hernia repair may have to be repaired.  Really.  Not kidding.  Now isn’t that special?  We’ll just have to cross that bridge in a couple of weeks.  Not going to think about it right now.

No more mice.  That’s something positive, right?

Saturday:

Happy Valentine’s Day.  What do you get for a man who has EVERYTHING and who just doesn’t get the whole Hallmark thing?

Ahhhh, it’s coming to me now.  His very own Baconcone tree!  (Like pinecones, but not.  Get it??)  I thought it was priceless.  It didn’t go over very well, and needed lots of ‘splaining.  So it lost a little bit on the translation.  But a girl can try, right?

And, in case you think I’m complaining for no reason about the lack of snow, I’m sending pictures I took just this morning of the view from the porch.  NOT pretty I tell you.  Not pretty.  We should have about 4 feet of snow on the ground at this point.  It should NOT look like April out there.  Too depressing for words.  This is akin to looking at my used-to-be-gorgeous flower garden after the myriad of rodents had their way.

See the blue and red electric cords?  Those are for the Christmas lights.  Those are usually buried so deep you can’t see ANY trace of them until about April.  I’m not kidding.  See all that grass exposed in front of the barn?  Not supposed to see any of that til April.  It’s bad here.  Really bad.

And on that note, I’m off to be productive on this Sunday morning.

Blessings be.

Things that have me troubled.

(If you say that word enough times–troubled, troubling, trouble–it begins to sound very, very odd.   Try it.  I dare you.)

The reasons I’m sitting at my computer this morning and it’s wayyyyyyy before dawn.  Many minutes before I should be awake.  I should be off in dreamland, snuggled under the down comforter on our super-comfy bed with my super-comfy pillow and the super-snuggly Springer Spaniel nestled near my feet.  Who, incidentally, begins to be slightly annoying in the middle of the night when he won’t budge a centimeter from his staked out position, causing me to have my legs tucked into a most unnatural position.  But, then he snuggles up to me and tries to lick my hand and get all close and warm and fuzzy like.  And I cave, and don’t banish him to the cold, hard ground.  Where, incidentally, he could find one of many comfy dog beds to annoy.

But I digress.  Yes, I could be there.  But I’m not.  Instead I’ve already walked the rooms of this house, making sure the rest of the inhabitants are sleeping soundly, nestled in their beds, with visions of dragons and unicorns and fairyland and football and cutting hay and springtime dancing in their heads.  Ah, to sleep the sleep of the untroubled.

Though I don’t think my dear husband could be said to be untroubled.  He’s probably just too tired and his brain has the ability to put the brakes on and get some much needed sleep.

Why am I troubled you ask?

The list is long I say, the list is long.

And I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just begin by throwing them out there willy-nilly and letting them fall where they may.

There is no snow, none to speak of.  We have about 8 inches left on the ground in some places, none in others.  It looks like late March here now.  Feels like it too.  Warm (in the high 30’s and 40’s, maybe almost 50 on Saturday) temperatures are wreaking havoc with our sparse, nonexistent winter.  We haven’t sledded in weeks, months.  We haven’t gone snowshoeing or cross country skiing.  I’m having a difficult time getting excited about going downhill skiing.  (Which is troubling as I purchased the passes and we NEED to use them.)

No snow is troubling in that no snow now means no water later means extremely high fire danger in just a few short months.  And that is stressful.  No backyard campfires for roasting hotdogs and marshmallows (our staples last summer).  That’s a bummer.  Serious worry about hay crop yield.  Bags packed by the door with the evacuation list, ready to go at a moment’s notice.  This has me troubled.

The vitriolic, hysterical backlash against the “anti-vaxxers.”  I’m not even sure I can write about this right now.  I have so much inside regarding this issue.  Part of me is afraid to even print where I stand on this, for fear of the response.  Part of me feels I need to add my bit, to make a stand, to give my side of the story.  But I can’t.  Not yet.  Suffice it to say, I’m troubled.  Troubled by the mass hysteria sweeping this nation regarding, truly, when you sit back and look at the numbers, a small number of cases of a disease that has a low mortality rate.

I’m troubled by the “sky is falling” mentality that I hear reflected by some, well, truly, on the Right.  I suppose that has faded a bit, now that the State of the Union address has started to fade, and everyone had their say after it.   I think, in general, we’re doing ok.  We’re trucking along as we should be.  I’m paying just under $2 a gallon for gasoline.  The unemployment rate is hanging at a low spot.  Wages could be better, yes.  But all in all, I think things are doing well in the American economy arena.

I’m troubled by Alabama officials making a big deal about “having” to perform same-sex marriages.  Give me a break.  No, give me a flipping break.  Gay marriage is here.  Gay people are here for that matter.  Get over it.  Leave them alone.  Let them live their own lives with the same dignity, respect, love and commitment that should be afforded to each and every person on this planet.

I’m troubled by the headline I just read, very early this morning, about three people shot dead in North Carolina, presumably because they were Muslim.  That’s a serious GIVE ME A BREAK.  Get over it America.   Islam is a worldwide religion.  Just like Judaism, Christianity, Hinduism, etc, etc, etc.  Killing someone because they are of a certain race or practice a certain religion is vile.  Ignorance to the nth degree.

Kayla Mueller.  Good people dying because they felt a call to help.

Brittney Maynard.  Good people dying because of a quirk of fate.  Cancer.  And then the unbelievable courage to let the world into her private suffering and her conviction to a cause that needs to be illuminated.

Big business……….big Pharma (sorry sis),  big agriculture (sorry husband and father-in-law), etc, etc, etc.  Dictating to all of us little people how we should eat, what we should ingest, what we should shoot ourselves up with.  I’m sorry.  I have a brain.  I have a medical degree (two actually).  I think I know a thing or two about nutrition and immunology and medicine and the way of things.  I’ve got this.  Thank you very much.

It’s time for some java.  I just heard a mousetrap violently snap shut.  The husband is stirring.  Time to spend a few minutes contemplating all of the things I have to be grateful for, the blessings in my life.

My healthy little family.   My brilliant daughter who was entrusted to my care, to love and protect and nurture to the best of my ability.  The adorable, loving Springer Spaniel Angus, named after the Irish god of love Aengus.  Our senior, loyal, Energizer-bunny chocolate Labrador Buck.  He is a force of nature himself and I am constantly amazed at his will to keep on going.  The roof over our heads.  My beautiful little home.  The mouse that inhabited my daughter’s room for the last several nights…………god rest his soul as he is now in mouse heaven.  The ability to do umpteen loads of laundry as I now have to wash each and every article of clothing in my daughter’s dresser as said mouse traversed each and every drawer before I could corner him in the closet, under the shoe rack.  Cute little bastard, but pain in the ass nonetheless.  Thank the goddess I have a dependable  washing machine, right?

And finally, I am grateful for the beauty around me, even though it looks like the end of March and we didn’t have winter really.  (I’m working really hard on this gratitude and am trying even harder to not be resentful at Boston for getting yet another 20 inches of snow.)

Blessings be.

How many children could $989 million feed?

Something to ponder this peaceful Sunday morning.

Which, by the way, is flirting with the white stuff as we speak.  as I write.

But I’m not sure I want to formally acknowledge it as I could end up jinxing the phenomenon.

So I’ll just look out the window, holding my breath, and appreciate the beauty all around me.

Blessings be.

Revealed earlier this week was the projected sum of money the infamous Koch brothers intend to spend on the 2016 election cycle.  (And this is not just for the presidential election, but ALL elections and candidates, including primaries.)

$989 million

That’s like pretty close to one billion dollars.  Why aren’t they just rounding up to the nearest hundred million?  Which would turn out to be one billion.

$1,000,000,000

I mean, if it were me and it was my money, I’d want to round up.

And saying one billion just sounds so much cooler than $989 million.

So I’ve been confused the last few days wondering why.

And also too wondering how they decided on that number to begin with.

And then wondering what it must feel like to have so much money that you can throw away nearly one billion dollars of it.

If you wanted to figure out how much that would be per day until the election in November 2016 (which is roughly 22 months away yet), you’d need a pretty big calculator.

Basically, it amounts to $1.3 to $1.4 million a day from now until November 2016.

That’s  a lot of change.

What, pray tell, are they trying to accomplish?

And what, pray tell, should we Amuricuns be thinking?  Finding out that a couple of men are, for all intents and purposes, attempting to buy the government.

I’m just not thinking this is a good thing.  And I seriously don’t think you need to be a Democrat OR a Republican to see this as potentially dangerous for life, liberty and the pursuit of happyness here in the good ol’ U. S. of A.

Sweet dreams.

Some days I wonder about it all.  I ponder the meaning of life.  The meaning of my life.  Why am I here?  What am I doing?  Am I doing enough?  What more could I be doing–to contribute to those around me, to contribute to my life, to contribute to the world?  Why are we all here anyway?  How’d we get here?  What are we supposed to be doing?  Accomplishing?  What am I supposed to be doing.  What should I be accomplishing?

Why does the world just keep on turning the way it has been for billions of years?  Who else is out there?  Do they live in our solar system (not likely), or are they in galaxies, far far away?

Why are there so many different interpretations of a power greater than ourselves?  And why do they all carry a similar thread?

See?  I can make myself crazy, nutso, insane, off-my-rocker cuckoo for cocoa puffs in a very short time.

But then today, everything just seemed to click into place.  And I felt comfortable with my tiny little existence and the tiny, insignificant things that I do each and every day.  Because I heard about some scientists who’ve been spending a lot of time doing what scientists do, in this case studying the science of chickens…and math…and the way in which chickens do math.

I know, right?

That’s what I thought initially.  “That is without a doubt the most insane, crazy, ludicrous thing I have EVER heard.”

But then I listened a bit longer and came to realize that, you know what?  Maybe it all just doesn’t matter.  And Charlene is going to study chickens.  And Matt’s going to study math.  And then Jim-Bob is going to decide to study chickens doing math.  And Mary Sue is going to do the laundry and wonder if the sky is going to fall.  And Peggy Jean is going to fret about the water bill.  And Freddy is going to deliver the mail.

And….so on and so on and so on.  And each and every one of us with all of our umpteen bazillion tiny, insignificant little lives and tiny, insignificant little details get all bundled up together in a great big ball of twine and whammo!  There’s the earth.  And maybe we do matter.  And what we do matters.  And whether that’s studying chickens counting or folding the laundry or trying to decide what to have for dinner matters.  Because it matters to someone.  And that’s important.  All of our insignificance adds up to the significance of this earth.

Whew.  That’s some heavy stuff dude.  And all because I listened to a news blurb on the BBC this afternoon about chickens being able to count.  Good grief.

Blessings be on you and your significance.

The Mittster’s not runnin’ the race after all.

I’m crushed I tell you.  Simply crushed.  I’m not sure what will lift my spirits out of the doldrum-like depths they have plummeted to upon reading this juicy tidbit of tidbits just a moment ago.

A presidential race without Mitt?  How will we all manage?

Oh wait.  I know.

We’ve got Jeb.

Good ol’ Jeb.

So just maybe my broken heart will not be hurtin’ for too  much longer.  The next year and a half could still end up being hilariously, annoyingly, disgustingly disgusting after all.

Yeah.

I mean seriously Mother Nature.

What the flipping heck?

Why does the Northeast get all the snow and winter and blizzards and such????

They don’t even want it anymore.

We’re dying out here West.  Dying for snow I tell you.

It hasn’t snowed here since early December.  I see grass!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It’s flipping January.  When is it going to be our turn?

And now I have to watch all of this news coverage about the EPIC, HISTORIC blizzard about to slam the Northeast into white oblivion.

And what do we have here??????

Sun.  Blue skies.  And NONE of the white stuff in sight.

What do you want from us?  Snow dances?  Virgin sacrifices?  Promises to name our first-borns “Nature?”  I mean seriously dudette.  This is getting disgusting.

Allright.  I’ll beg and plead.  Would that be better?

Please, please, please, pretty please with coconut sugar on top, can we please, please, please have some winter this year?

Please.

No, I’m not going to write about the esteemed, former, Governor, Rick Perry.  Though his name shall (hopefully) forever be linked with that one little word.   He and Brittney Spears, eh?  Oh Lord, now I’ve got that ear worm going again.

But, as usual, I digress from my original intent.

Oops, as in FAUX News made a BIG ol’ mistake.  I missed this, as I tend to do these days.  Miss things, that is.  Some days it’s all I can do to get the mongrels fed, the child clothed, and the grammar lessons completed.  I do feed the child as well, thank you very much.

But as to what I missed.  I guess FAUX News insulted the famed City of Lights and the mayor of said city is none too happy.  In fact, she’s so unhappy with the idiotic, imbecilic news station (that is ashamedly American), she has decided to sue them for what I can only assume to be libel.  Or is that slander?  Sheesh.  I should figure that out.  I guess they also made some asinine (there’s that word I love again) comments about some areas of England and the Prime Minister himself, David Cameron, was quoted as saying “When I heard this, frankly, I choked on my porridge and I thought it must be April Fool’s Day.  This guy is clearly a complete idiot.”   (From an article by USA Today:   http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2015/01/20/paris-wants-to-sue-fox-news/22062179/)

Yes, clearly complete and utter idiots over there at FAUX News.

Hey!  Here’s another one for the OOPS file.

Did you catch that AWESOME, FAN-DAMN-TASTIC SOFU speech????

I know, right?

He was on fire tonight.  I love our President.  I simply LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that man.

Lame duck, my rat’s patootie.

So the imbecilic, asinine idjits who clapped and hooted and hollered (well, not sure about the hootin’ and hollerin’, but they did clap very loudly) when President O said he had no more campaigns to run sure had an OOPS moment when the cool and calm and collected Prez didn’t miss a beat and schooled them by saying “BECAUSE I WON THEM BOTH.”

Best fan-damn-tastic line of the night.  (Sorry, just feel like adding in the expletive, what can I say?)

REALLY.

Did I mention how much I love our President?

I mean really, what’s not to love?

Instead of being all cowed, and browbeaten, and meek cause the Republicans shellacked the Democrats last November, he has come out swinging.

How about when he said this?????

“We can’t put the security of families at risk by taking away their health insurance, or unraveling the new rules on Wall Street, or refighting past battles on immigration when we’ve got a system to fix.  And if a bill comes to my desk that tries to do any of these things, it will earn my veto.”

You go Mr. President.  You go.  Cause all three of those things are front and damn center for the Republicans.  Dismantling health insurance for the millions of Americans who now have it, thanks to the Affordable Care Act; dismantling the Dodd-Frank legislation that might work to protect us little guys from the banking giants who stand to make bazillions of dollars; and spending more of America’s money refighting the fights that don’t get us anywhere.  Specifically on immigration, climate change, the ACA, etc, etc, etc.

There was so much more.  So many more great lines.  If you missed it, I HIGHLY recommend you find a video and watch it or find audio and listen to it (that’s what we had to do as no television here in the house).  President Obama is an incredible orator.  And this speech was one of his best.  Absolutely, fan-damn-tastic awesome speech.

And the Republican response??????

What the heck was that?

“I’m not going to respond to the President’s speech.”  ~Joni Ernst, Iowa Senator

(Not a direct quote as I’m just too tired to go find the exact words she started off with, and frankly I don’t want to read another word of the Republican hyperbole.  My stomach has finally stopped cramping from the one little gluten-free chocolate chip cookie I ate approximately 12 hours ago and I don’t want to agitate it again.  And the Republicans do it to me every time.  So it’s just better that I don’t go there, and trust me that the above is a very close approximation of what she said at the beginning of her “not-a-response”-response.)

Mmm-hmmm Ms. Ernst.  OK.  Actually, you were tasked with giving the “Republican response” to the SOFU.  So you were sort of supposed to respond to the speech.  Not go off into la-la land, reminiscing about wearing plastic bags over your shoes.  What was that all about?  Trying to let us lowly folk know that you’re just like us?  Right.  Just not following you on this one.

I suppose it could be the cramping stomach, but more than likely it’s the Republicans.  I have a short fuse tonight, definitely due to the cramps, so it’s all nails-on-a-chalkboard right now.

I suppose that would be my very own OOPS moment today.  Eating one of those damn gluten-free chocolate chip cookies I purchased, knowing damn well it wasn’t a good idea when I did it.  Sure, they’re “gluten-free” but they’re made with potato starch and rice flour.  One of which is REALLY upsetting my balance.  I don’t mean balance as in being able to walk a straight line.  I mean homeostasis, body in balance, that sort of thing.  We’ve been basically Paleo since October 27th, so little things like potato starch or rice flour are wreaking havoc with my system when I encounter them.

So.  Major OOPS.  Will not do that again.  I can make a very good dark chocolate, almond butter, chocolate chip cookie that is grain-free, dairy-free, soy-free and PALEO all the way.  And that will just have to do.

On that note, I’m headed for dreamland.  We’re playing hooky tomorrow (well, today technically) and going skiing!  So I need my rest to keep up with the downhill tornado I must chase tomorrow!

Blessings be.

I actually had to stop and sit down and sort of rewind what I’d just heard yesterday morning.  Because it was simply too odd.  Surely I didn’t hear what I thought I just heard.

Mitt Romney for President????

Again Mitt?  Again?

Really.

I seriously thought I had cotton in my ears or something, and then I read it on the newspage.  So it must be true, right?

Mitt Romney is “thinking” about throwing his hat (never saw him in a hat, but maybe those jeans and button-downs and striped ties then) into the massive ring of good ol’ party candidates.

Along with the familiar names of course:

Rick Perry, oops, did I really just type his name?

Mike Huckabee

Rick Santorum

Bobby Jindal

Ted Cruz

And on that note:  One fish, two fish, red fish, craziness.

Hold on to your everything mates.  It is going to be a long damn time unitl 2016.

May just prove to be entertaining actually.