madranchwife

This was what we woke up to this morning.  Or rather…Sunday morning.  (I tried to post them right away, but, as is the case when you live on the side of a mountain, in the middle of nowhere…the internet was being titchy–whether that was due to the snow and ice on the satellite dish or simply because some days out here on the ranch there’s just no telling what’s going to happen and why).   I stewed about it for a bit, and then, in my new quest for equanimity, tranquility, serenity and peace-ity (had to stick with the theme)…I decided there really wasn’t going to be much I could do about it, so I closed the computer, sat on the floor with the munchikin and proceeded to watch all three episodes of Star Wars.

With occasional breaks to go outside and play in the snow.

And that’s the original Star Wars…for those of you wondering.  NOT the blasphemous Special Edition where George L. tried to convince the world that those were the films he always wanted to make.  Nothing has ever looked so fake to me as the Special Editions of   the Star Wars Trilogy.  And dammit…Han shoots first.  Period.  No questions asked.  He just does.  And don’t even get me started on Episodes 1, 2 and 3.  Jar-Jar Binks?????????  Really?  Really.  Star Wars is great because of the way it was when they were first shown on the big screen.  Just leave good enough alone George.  And give it to us on a remastered, UNEDITED DVD.  So I can stop worrying every time I put in the VHS tape.  For the love of Pete.

And man did I digress this time.

Suffice it to say…we had a lovely day watching Han and Chewie and the gang!

It did stay pretty cold all day (despite the bright blue sky and the sun), so the snow didn’t melt this time.  And, as I write, it is dumping more.  Bring it on baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And…the forecast has it possibly snowing for the next 24 to 36 hours.  Wouldn’t that be spectacular?

I for one think so.  I have been dreading the onset of the summer fire season.  Last year was nerve-wracking to live through and every snowflake that falls is precious here.  Yes, we did have grass and mud just last Friday, but we’re back to lots of the white stuff and we couldn’t be happier.

On one of our snow sojourns, I encountered the Abominable in our backyard!  Go figure.

I don’t really quite know where to start.

But, in true Maria-of-the-Abbey form, I’ll say (and not sing, as I don’t want to wake anyone up at the moment)…the beginning is a very good place to start.

But then, I’m not sure where the beginning might truly be.

Oh heck.  Let’s just say that I’m back from the sort-of-self-imposed censorship that I’ve been under of late.

To heck with it.  The censorship.  And the reasons for it.

Suffice it to say that there are those among us who are not happy with the words I print.  And, because it was made known to me…this unhappiness…I simply could not bring myself to sit down at the computer and let the words flow from my fingertips.  I suppose in a way I had what is referred to as “writer’s block.”  Quote unquote.  Funny story:  the 6 year old I live with is now bebopping around the house, putting quotation marks around just about anything that sounds like it needs a pair of those little hash marks floating in the air.  Seriously.  We’ll be having a conversation and she’ll put her little hands up in the air, curl her little fingers and say something and then give me the quote/unquote sign with the fingers (and yes, saying at the same time ‘quote, unquote’).  I seriously, honestly do not know where she comes up with these things.  Most of the time, I just laugh and shake my head in bewilderment.  Those times when I need to be stern and all disciplinary-like…well, truth be told, I’m laughing so hard I can hardly speak.

But…as usual…I digress.

Back to the point I was trying to make…except that I’m not exactly sure what that was.  Let me think a moment.

Ah yes, the “writer’s block” thing.

I was told I couldn’t write about several things and the few things left I could write about…well, I was just too damn embarrassing, cause my views are just too damn radical.  So in reality it didn’t leave much to write about.  Except maybe the weather.  But who the hell wants to talk about the weather these days?    I mean, even the damn weather leads to an argument.  Cause you’re either a climate-change believin’, pinko commie lovin’, Subaru drivin’ librul…or you believe that climate change/global warming is all a librul hoax and just made up and dinosaurs and people lived at the same time and were actually used like horses and such and that makes the earth (and subsequently the good ol’ U. S. of A.) only 6000 years old and the President is a socialist who wants to change the currency and take away everyone’s guns and….lord love a duck I’ve done it again.  Digressed.

See what happens when I don’t get all the junk in my head out in a regular fashion????  It all piles up and starts mushing into each other creating run-on sentences and incoherent thoughts and suddenly libruls are riding dinosaurs that are racing Subarus and stealing people’s guns.

Did you get all that?

And in other news of the day:

1.  An NRA Nascar race had a sort of fatality…seems someone shot himself in the head out in the grassy area.  I can’t seem to find out the particulars…but I’m just left wondering…was he the good guy or the bad guy…and would armed guards have prevented this…and so on…

2.  Seriously.  This one is almost too much to believe…and I do need to chase down the facts (just the facts ma’am…), but really.  You just couldn’t make this up if you tried.  Seems a man and his son were buying some fried chicken in a to-go joint down South and he was peeved about his order, or something like that, and he pulled out his trusty ol’ AK-47 and started threatening.  Again, I’m not clear on the details…but my first thought was…as usual a la Wayne La Pierre…was he the good guy or the bad guy?  And if he was the bad guy…where were the good guys with their trusty ol’ AK-47’s?  And could you just imagine the scene?  A whole bunch of dudes in a fried-chicken joint standing in a circle with their guns all pointed at each other…a big ol’ game of chicken!!  (Sorry….could NOT help myself.)  But seriously…seriously.  Is it NECESSARY to carry your trusty ol’ AK-47 into a chicken joint just to order some dinner????????????????????????              What in the world is happening here????????????????????????        We’re mocking North Korea for being all blustery and stuff…but what the heck?  (And I really, really wanted to use a much stronger word than heck..and no, it wasn’t hell…but I’m trying to sound classier these days.)   To buy chicken??????????????????????????????????

3.  I can’t find this link…and I only read it briefly, so I can’t completely confirm it…but a 6 yr old shot by a 4 yr old brother died today.  ??????????????????????????????????  Do I even need to comment on this??????????????

4.  Scientists are studying samples taken from people dying or who have died of a new strain of “bird flu”…better and more properly known as “H7N9″…with the consensus seemingly split on whether or not this strain has the potential to become a pandemic.  Here we go again………………….

And finally:

5.  A study from Germany of 22 men between the ages of 21 and 52 concluded that men have a very difficult time understanding women.  NO DUH!  As if you needed a PhD and some study subjects to find that out.  Just ask ANY woman alive today and you’ll have your answer.  And believe me you…you’d have a helluva lot more subjects than 22.

(If you would like more information about this study, feel free to ask and I shall get you the link.  I’m not in a linking mood tonight as it is late, I have much to do, and I still haven’t figured out how to do it in a neat, succinct fashion-link, that is.)

Alright.  That’s about enough for this post.

I’ve actually got some awesome photos I took from this morning.   That’s what I was going to write about…but the headache has been immense, the words needed to be released.

Until we meet again…..

Fox News is down 29% among viewers in the age bracket of 29 to 54 years.

Whoa.  What can one possibly say about that?

Perhaps that near-miss with the asteroid a couple of weeks ago somehow caused a shift in the common-sense category of the universe?

If so….anyway we can somehow get a few more to pass within 17,000 miles of our atmosphere?   Wouldn’t take much.  Just a couple more and good ol’ Fox News might go the way of the dinosaurs.

You know, those gigantic, humongous, living beings whose fossilized remains we have found whose extinction has been SCIENTIFICALLY proven to have occurred 65 MILLION YEARS ago.    NOT, I repeat, NOT in the last 6000 years as some will claim to be true.  As in…people and dinosaurs roamed the earth together.  Now…I know a certain little diva who would think that was fantastic to call a cute little baby allosauraus a pet…but in all reality folks, that’s just not the way it went down.

Man, I digress.

I went from dwindling Fox News viewership to asteroids to the extinction of dinosaurs.

OH!  Yes.  My mind is like a steel trap.  See how I did that?

Fox News is like a dinosaur that is on the verge of EXTINCTION (for those of you that saw the unedited version…man was that a Freudian slip) that just needs another asteroid to knock it out of the park.

When I’m good, I’m good.  🙂

Oh.  Did I forget to post the intervening 5 74 sections?

Sorry…the migraine headache they induced didn’t allow me to sit at the computer terminal and attempt to distill the nuttiness into a few words.

Today’s crazy begins with this:

“Dog shoots its owner”    (http://americablog.com/2013/02/responsible-gun-owner-shot-by-his-dog)

(I have GOT to figure out how to do that blog thing-y where I have the link embedded in the text.  Someday I’ll get it worked out.  For now…sorrry, you’ll get these uber long links to click on.)

Anyway…seems the smart, responsible gun owner had a loaded shotgun in his truck…with the safety off  (????) and the dog somehow (now, this is one smart dog…perhaps he was tired of the Ol’Roy kibble he’s been forced to eat?)…somehow…pulled the trigger and shot the man in the leg.

Lucky man.  He didn’t die.

Lucky dog?  Not sure of his fate.  I’m trying to figure out if a good dog with a gun is better than a bad dog with a gun.

I’m just sayin’.

Yes, I know that makes one think of Christmas and the Holidays…yada, yada, yada.

But since we sort of skipped Winter during the Winter Wonderland time…and we’re getting a taste of it now, I once again exercise my literary license.

The pictures are from yesterday, from our afternoon of fun in the snow.  It was breathtakingly beautiful…large white flakes falling in copious amounts all afternoon long.  Himself states we got about 16 inches.  I didn’t see him with a ruler out there, but I’ve learned not to question some things.  Or rather, I’ve learned to pick my battles.

Leading me to the next topic.  Boys with toys.  Or , in this case, ranchhands with Unimogs.  And dang if that particular ranchhand I live with doesn’t get gol’durned, downright annoying about the way in which he plays around with his toys.

??????  What in the world am I talking about, I’m sure you’re wondering about now.

Honestly…as happy as I was to see the Unimog the other day…out chugging around, spewing great clouds of diesel black exhaust into the pristine mountain air (only because it symbolizes enough snow to warrant firing up the dang thing)…it also causes me great angst.

And precipitates a knock-down, drag out fight between himself and myself.  You see…I like the way all the pretty white snow looks.  Like a picture-perfect postcard–right out my front door.  Heaven on earth.  And because we’ve not had much of the white stuff, what little we do get, I want to stay as pristine and untouched for as long as possible.

Himself, on the other hand, simply sees it as a nuisance.  Something to be shoveled, pushed around, gotten out of the way as quickly as possible.

This annoys me.  To no end.

We go round and round on this…with not really any acquiescence on either part.  Which annoys me. To no end.

So then I have to don my sweetest, most innocent, most loving, most obsequious, dutiful (lord love a duck that word made me gag) wife voice and beg, plead, cajole, stroke ( his EGO…) to get himself to not go out there and do wheelies with the Unimog and get all MANLY by seeing how much snow he can push at one time for how far down the road without having to take a second pass.

When the begging, pleading, cajoling and stroking don’t work, I up the ante and start calling him on the whole “boys with toys” thing he’s got going on.  He feigns ignorance and I can hear him looking at me with exasperation (this is usually happening on the phone) and annoyance.

And then he comes home and plows the snow into oblivion.  And I lose the battle.  And my idyllic white world evaporates and is replaced by dirty mounds of what used to be snow resembling a Walmart parking lot.

So much for Heaven on Earth.

On that note, I’ll leave you with the few pictures I was able to snap before the Unimog-driving maniac arrived and proceeded to terrorize the snowflakes.

Yes…that little brown and white dot you see poking out of the snow-covered hill is Loki…having a blast!

No…Max is still not here with us.  I have not written of him because my heart is too sad.  We pray for his return every night…Gracelyn and I.  We light a candle for him at the dinner table.  Our hearts are heavy with the grief of losing our little brown and white pup.  Gracelyn said to me tonight that “it feels like Max wasn’t ever really here at all.”  I started crying.  What can you say to something like that???  Loki eases the pain a bit…only because he is so eager to be loved, and he loves to cuddle, which makes Gracelyn’s day.

Hey look!  I was able to type after the pictures.  Go figure.

Vaya con dios mi amigas/amigos!  And if you are so inclined, perhaps you could say a little prayer for Max as well.  We thank you kindly.

Ahhhh….I forgot (I was trying not to dwell……………….)…the in-laws are arriving tomorrow for a week-long surprise-Debby visit!  Yay me.  Wish me well.  🙂

Let’s let the pictures do the talking!!  (We are happily ensconced inside…Loki being, well, a dog and Gracelyn doing her schoolwork.  Me?  Enjoying a triple shot, 1/2 caffè, dark chocolate mocha with whip looking at the HUGE white snowflakes obscuring the view!)

On another note, I have got to figure out how to be more technically minded.  I can’t seem to add more than one picture at a time (thus the jumbled mess below) and I can’t seem to type AFTER the pictures…thus they’re always stuck at the bottom of the post.  I think I need about three more hours in the day and then I should be ok.

You should see the snow now.  Holy buckets Batman…the flakes are humongous and so thick I can’t see past the garage…or out the front past the cattle guard.  Wow.  Bring it on we say, bring it on!

Oh yes…….on yet another note…….I have to confirm this with probably one or two more sources, but one of my reliable sites of up-to-date information has a post this morning stating that Hillary is running in 2016!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    Yet one more reason for the Woo hoo hoo hoo hoooooooooooooooooooo!

Yep.  This is going to be a GRRR-eat day!  (To quote another famous tiger.)

????  Unimogs????

What the heck is a Unimog?

The ranch’s answer to a snowplow for us.  A German made vehicle that looks like it should be navigating the narrow, cobblestone streets of some Old World Italian village.  Maybe sometime in the 1940’s.  Not kidding.

Anyway…we finally got some of the white stuff.  You know, the cold, powdery particles that the New Englanders have been hoarding.

Yes, I know.  Not that they’re having a good time up there in the northeastern portion of the good ol’ U. S. of A.   What with piles of snow up to there and no electricity and threats of flooding and crashing in of roofs.  (Which…by the way…why isn’t the plural of ‘roof’ rooves?  As in hoof and hooves.  Just wondering.)

But you’d think they could be a tad bit grateful they got the white stuff.  There are lots of us out here just salivating for that kind of buildup.  Desperate for a few feet of snow to call our very own.

Well, we got a little bit over the weekend…about 10 to 12 inches I’d say.  And then it was very cold today, ensuring the white stuff didn’t go anywhere.  Let’s hope it stays this cold and there’s no melting going on.

So…preliminary pictures:

So….here it is.

This is the other “thing” that has been keeping me busy the last three weeks.

Loki.

An approximately one year old, male Springer Spaniel.

Don’t ask me why.  I couldn’t tell you even if I tried.

Don’t ask me how..well, I guess the how of it is easy to detail.

It’s the blasted why…and now what do we do? that I’m struggling with.

Long story short…I was posting the Missing ads for Max on Craigslist on Thursday afternoon January 17.  I came across a listing for a liver and white, male Springer Spaniel needing a home and my heart stopped I swear.  There was no picture and I held my breath until I called the number and asked for a description.

She was expecting me to call.

How weird is that?

She’d seen the countless ads for Max.  She was worried I would think she had our Max.  We talked.  She emailed a picture.

Then Gracelyn and I waited for daddy to come home.

It was a nervous couple of days…then, for some insane reason, it was decided we should go get this dog.  Gracelyn and I picked up Grammy and headed to Pueblo, Colorado.  That’s a long way away for those of you not familiar with the geography here.  And it was a long drive back home…stopping every few miles or so to clean up the latest round of recycled dog food.  LUCKILY it was recycled from the front end not the back end and mostly into the dog kennel and not the car.

We finally arrived home late Sunday night…and it’s been controlled chaos ever since.

Loki is not Max.  Not even close.  And we are all, Greg, Gracelyn, myself, Buck, coming to terms with this.

He is a sweet, sweet soul in a crazy Springer Spaniel body with an even crazier Springer Spaniel mind….and he was starving (literally and figuratively) for love.  In the short time with us, he’s put on at least a pound, lost the mats behind his ears that were the size of another pair of ears, had a lovely bath and learned how to clean out the bird feeders of the EXPENSIVE bird seed.

Will we ever know the mysterious ways in which the Universe works?  It was imperative that Loki find a home…he was being shuffled about and slowly starved to death.  If our dear, sweet little Maximus had not been missing, I would not have been on Craigslist.  I would not have seen the ad for Loki…he would not now be with us.

I think the important thing for all of us here is being willing to have open hearts…and open minds.  To be willing to surrender to the mystery of the Universe, to not question the things that unfold in front of our eyes, begging for our attention.

That being said…the search for Max continues.  The longing for his return is unabated.   We truly miss our little Max.  Our hearts ache for his furry little Springer body.  Loki is helping to ease some of the grief–and to that we are grateful.

Our family has grown by one…we would like it to include Maximus as well.  Sometimes we don’t always get what we want.  Sometimes the Universe has a plan for us that is not revealed when we think it should be.

And on that note, I must say goodnight.

And…meet Loki.

So sorry to all my friends and relatives that are believers in the Dark Side.

But I just can’t help myself…

…when have I ever been able to help myself, one might sweetly ask me?

(Devilish smile ghosts my lips as I sit, poised, fingers ready to tap out this missive…)

What in the world am I referring to?

Why the hilarious, nonsensical, childish antics of the Grand Ol’ Party, otherwise known as the Republican Party.

I didn’t know Ronald Reagan.  I didn’t vote for him (I’m not THAT old).  In fact, I distinctly remember voting for President Carter during our 4th grade mock election that year.  I was raised in a liberal household so I think I was simply following suit…really, how much can a 4th grader know about politics anyway?

But I have heard enough blather about him the last five years to know that he was famous for saying something to the effect that one should not say bad things about a fellow Republican.

If it was at all physically possible for skeletons to be rolling over in their graves, I bet you (see, didn’t go all slang-y, Palin-y there) President Reagan would be doing a 360 degree dance these days…almost like a chicken on a roasting spit.  NOT inferring anything there..just trying to give you an image of the poor man revolving endlessly in his grave as he witnesses what has got to be the most befuddling thing to him…the excuse for the Republican Party and their machinations these days.

Yes, I am well aware that was a super duper run-on paragraph.  Sorry.  I got carried away.

Regardless, I don’t have anything specific to point out.  I think the headlines speak for themselves.

Donald Trump calling Karl Rove “a total loser.”  Mmm-hmmm.  Pot, meet kettle.

The TIME magazine cover with Marco Rubio on it…the title “The Republican Savior.”  (I think they think that the people of non-white descent in this country will vote Republican since they’ve put up a brown guy as the “New White Hope.”  Irony and snark here folks…nothing else intended.)  Do you think anyone should tell them that Mr. Rubio is of Cuban descent, and is therefore not considered a Latino…which I am pretty sure were the group of people that they’re trying to target?

Whatever.

I could go on, but my triple 1/2 caffe dark chocolate mocha with whip is beckoning, ebay needs to be dealt with, the dogs are not slobbering at my feet yet trying to get their dinner and the darling diva of a daughter is still napping….so I must move on.

Vaya con dios mi amigas/amigos!

WHAT??????

You have got to be freaking kidding me.  Did we or did we not just finish with a brutal presidential election?

And now they want to talk about 2016?

Oy vey.  For the love of Pete.  Lord love a duck.  Etc, etc, etc.  (I’m plumb out of euphemisms at the moment.)

But………………………

actually………………….

to be completely honest (and honesty is ALWAYS the best policy)…………………..

HILLARY 2016!!!!!!!  WOO HOO HOO HOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  (Hold on a moment while I settle the stuffed tiger…Tigger is being all bouncy at the moment.)

I’m joining the Crazy Train.  I’m signing up.  I am SO ready for this.  It is about freakin’ time the good ol’ U. S. of A. has a woman, gasp…., leading the helm.

I’ll be honest again.  (Since I’m on a roll here…)

I could not stand this woman back in 2008.  Her voice was like nails on a chalkboard.  I could not believe some of the things she said and I was livid it seemed as if she (and her entire campaign) believed it her due to be the nominee for the Democrat party.  I saw red whenever I saw her on the campaign trail and when she didn’t go softly into the night until the Convention, I was peeved.

But since then I have been in awe of her.   She graciously accepted her defeat at the hands of the upstart young senator from Illinois (how dare he????).  Though her husband was another story…and he did not get any kudos from me until his speech at the DNC last fall.  He finally gained a bit in my eyes, albeit not much…flippin’ womanizer, but I digress.

ANYWAY…I have totally become a Hillary Clinton supporter.  She proved her worth to me.  And I now believe firmly that it IS her due to become the nominee for 2016.

Premature?  Abso-flippin-lutely.  Crazy?  You betcha.  (And NO!!!!! I am not channeling the erstwhile, now infamous for being completely stupid/vapid/vitriolic/and completely damaging to women, ex-former-1/2 governor of the bee-u-ti-ful state of Alaska…she doesn’t own that word.)

But…fun!

And honestly….(to stay with that whole “let’s be truthful” meme)…the absolute, pure, unadulterated glee I get from reading the numbers being put up already in hypothetical polling matchups between the Hillster and any of the possible GOP candidates is almost better than the most sublime, divine Starbucks experience ever.  EVAH  darling EVAH!!

Truly joyful.  As in…she’s leaving them in the dust…even in states like Kentucky and….wait….this is awe-inspiring…..TEXAS!  WHOOP!  (Old Aggie yell!)

So…see…I can write about more than the idiotic state of this country when it comes to guns and gun violence and lack of gun control.

Though, now that we’re on that subject again…I did just read a little headline about a 3 year old shooting himself in the head with his parent’s PINK gun, playing with his 7 year old sister, thinking it was a TOY GUN.  While his grandparents were in the other room.

Seriously.

?@#$!@%#$^@%^!#$%

Teh stupid continues to continue.

I think we should all think very long and hard about what is happening in this country.  And what kind of legacy we want to leave our children.  And how we want our history to be written 100, 500, 1000 years from now.

Speaking of 500 years…isn’t that the damndest thing about King Richard III’s body being found under a car park in England?

Sort of an ignominous end wouldn’t you say?

Now I’m just babbling…and honestly (here we go again), ebay is calling.  I’m on a roll and I must continue.

So, I bid you farewell.  As in “So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodnight….”

Just wanted to leave you with another annoying little ear worm.  🙂